Vintage Blind Gossip: Beef Slurp-a-Pop
From 8/3/06 -
One Gossip-Column Blind Gossip
Intro: Seems that Beef Slurp-a-Pop is more into his kinky sex toys than his male mattress mate. But is his battery-operated addiction gonna end up rubbing his boy-toy the wrong way?
Lordy, you Awful Truth readers are ever proud ‘n’ pissy, and oh honeys, I do love ya so!
And just for your super-duper votes of lurve as of late, I’m shooting a humpy humdinger your way:
There’s a fairly talented (not as gifted as he is muscly, that’s fer sure) guy who performs in front of the camera. Folks are high-gear gossin’ about the boy right now, wondering if he’s not having some kind of thing with a big-deal hush-hush homo. Only because, well, let’s just say, Beef Slurp-a-Pop (no relation to Slurpa Pop-Off), which is his name, really isn’t all that into this guy-on-guy overheated thang he’s supposedly having with said celeb dude.
Ted-translation: Beef’s more into his plastic play-toys than his current boy-toy.
Yep, ol’ Beef’s into the kinda adult playthings that would make even Kim Cattrall wince in painful imagination. And that’s sayin’ somethin’.
Hey, slow down there, Mr. Supersize Stimulator! Don’t forget us humans aren’t nearly as raunchy and rechargeable (well, at least, not some of us).
And it ain’t – Keanu Reeves, Ted Casablanca, Will Smith
Also eliminated: Matthew McConaughey, Vin Diesel, Brandon Routh
Top guesses were: Lance Armstrong, Ty Pennington, Perez Hilton
Our new top suspect: Wentworth Miller
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