Blind Gossip: Another Straight Star Bites the Dust

New from Ted today …

Blind Gossip: Another Straight Star Bites the Dust

Are there any straight straight people left in Hollywood? Apparently not.
Marky Sweet-Puss is a sweet enough dude, dog though he may have been at one time. He cleaned up his act a bit once he hooked up with chilly actress type Cruella St. Shackles, who miraculously started Marky off on a far more domesticated diet of monogamous sex and healthier living. Many a star watcher was amazed to see this go down, as—let’s be honest—Cruella isn’t exactly known for her conservative lifestyle. If the hinterland-types who watch her only knew half the hell-raising crap this broad creates in a mere 24 hours!
But this Vice is really more about Marky’s shenanigans than Cruella’s.
Here’s what went down: Marky’s very concerned pals brought to Cruella’s attention the disturbing fact that Marky’s personal assistant was preparing to go to the press, saying that he and Marky had…
…been getting it on pretty regularly. Probably would have been fun to watch, too, as Marky’s not exactly hard to look at!
Horribly, the nasty-mouthed assistant was prepared to tell the press unless he was paid off. Pretty simple, everyday blackmail, which goes on in Hollywood a helluva lot more than women eating, I’ll tell ya that much.
So, Cruella didn’t know what the ef to do. She had suspected her hubby might have desires that way, but she’d never really talked about it, pretty much hoping it would go away. As if!
Cruella decided to bite the big one (not her hubby) and pay the damn bill. After all, she decided, she’s been involved in other unseemly goings-down—as far as her career goes—so this wasn’t exactly new dirty-works territory for her.
She just thought she’d never have to participate in that kind of crap in her personal life.
Funny, if you look at Cruella lately, you can tell something’s just not right. Could it be that being blackmailed doesn’t do anything for her complexion?

And it ain’t: Eva Longoria Parker/Tony Parker, Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart, Josh Duhamel/Fergie

* As of 8/21/11:

Eliminated for Cruella St. Shackles: Eva Longoria Parker, Kristen Stewart, Fergie, Jennifer Garner, Melanie Griffith, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Courtney Cox Arquette, Michelle Obama, Calista Flockhart, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rachael Ray, Sarah Palin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Victoria Beckham, Naomi Campbell, Joan Rivers, Tatum O’Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, Oprah Winfrey, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson, Demi Moore, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Minnillo, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sienna Miller.

Eliminated for Marky Sweet-Puss: Tony Parker, Robert Pattinson, Josh Duhamel, Ben Affleck, Antonio Banderas, Freddie Prinze Jr., David Arquette, Barack Obama, Harrison Ford, Michael Douglas, Ryan Phillippe, Tom Sturridge, Ashton Kutcher
(also Todd Palin, Matthew Broderick, David Beckham, Will Smith, Antonio Banderas, Marc Anthony, Stedman Graham, Chris Martin, Brad Pitt, Nick Lachey, - eliminated by way of not being Cruella’s spouse)