One Air-Sick Blind Gossip
May 30, 2008
New Blind Gossip from Ted – Morgan Mayhem returns. We have been familiar with Morgan Mayhem for a few years now… after numerous past Blind Gossip’s we know she is Lindsay Lohan.
Lead-ins
Carzy-Like
Hip-hip ho-ray, Morgan Mayhem‘s returned for a weird-ass Blind Gossip, and she’s nuttier than merde!
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Outrageous!
Morgan Mayhem’s polluted thinking in today’s Blind Gossip installment is so out there, she actually makes pink-wigged Spears seem like a pretty together chick. When is somebody gonna save poor M2′s soul? Uh, is never good for you?
One Air-Sick Blind Gossip
Morgan Mayhem is up to her old tricks. Well, I guess they can’t really be considered old if she never stopped doing them?
Ms. May has a load of talents, but her best (and most often used) one is alienating her amigos. One of the buds she’s burned as of late is the brother of one of her former flames, Dare to Do Me, the cute eye candy from a band still pretty popular on the charts. M2 is still psycho for the rocker she’s shared several rendezvous romps with in the past, but D.D.’s moved on to focus on his music, good boy. Morg still keeps Dare’s bro around, prolly as a resource if the fella ever wants to play with this par-tick groupie again.
Morgy is prone to wrestling up some wacky stuff to put her so-called friends through. She’ll call the dreamy Do Me’s brother up on a random weekday, claming she just bought them both plane tickets to Europe for that very day. If that wasn’t spontaneous and silly enough, Do Me 2 will pick May-babe up and drive her to the airport, only to find out there’s no ticket for him. Girl just straight up lies. Can you imagine that in Los Angeles? Oh, you shouldn’t treat pals like that, M2, especially when they’re related to amours you may want to snag back once you’re finished with your current, more curious, conquests.
But listen up: Maybe it’s not all drugs, dudes and rock ‘n’ roll with Mayhem, after all. Close buds swears Morgan’s got a bona fide mental disorder that would explain her notorious behavior. It ain’t chemicals or drink that’s driving this doll up the walls—just like Britney‘s problemos were more brain-centered than everyone first thought. For real: Morgan insists there exists, somewhere in ultraluxurious, née looney, la-la land, a special private jet that takes celebs from L.A. to London in one hour. Swears.
Jeez, why isn’t somebody helping this broad? She’s screaming for aid, really. Nobody’s listening.
And it ain’t: Courtney Love, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansson
We have posted some of the old vintage Morgan Mayhem Blind Gossip’s are in the post below. She is most definitely Lindsay Lohan. We will just have to figure out who Dare to Do Me is. Anyone know?
Vintage Ted – Morgan Mayhem
May 30, 2008
Here are the previous Morgan Mayhem Blind Gossips:
July 2006 – One Overly Caring Blind Gossip
We all know bod-goons are paid to protect the overly watched frames of the celebs who employ them. Most times, these bossy gorillas are très busy trying to keep pesky paps away or simply shooing starstruck autograph seekers. Occasionally, these walking barricades even help carry celebs’ purses or pups. Too cute!
Not this, though: The security staff utilized by one Morgan Mayhem (a repeat offender in the naughty narrative known as the Blind Gossip archive) is far more, uh, hands-on. See, Morg’s men protect way more than her bitchin’ bod. They also keep more than a hawklike eye on her damn drug stash.
Picture it: a swanky Hollywood hotel, known for its crazy parties and late-night flings. A very nearly has-been actor is escorting two lovely ladies to a friend’s room upstairs. Said gray-haired type accidentally happens into the wrong suite at a very inopportune time. Morgan is alone in the room, ‘cept for her coke stash and bodyguards.
And one particularly helpful guard is choppin’ up lines for Miz M. Now, that’s stellar service!
And even though M2 was gettin’ blown all alone, she ain’t happy about the company. Has-been actor offers a hello. “Who are they?” demands M., who’s known to hate pretty gals who dare get anywhere near her sleep-deprived vicinity. “This is my room, and my coke!” bitches Morgan. “Get out.”
Geez, Morg. Didn’t anyone teach you to share?
And heaven knows it wouldn’t hurt you (or your nose) to cut back.
And it ain’t Mischa Barton, Whitney Houston, Nicky Hilton
October 2006 – One Unsisterly Blind Gossip
Morgan Mayhem, consider yourself warned!
Gal-friend, those unpredictable ways have gotten you into trouble in myriad areas of your life, but now it seems your social-butterfly status is in serious jeopardy, too. Hid-eee-us, I know. See, there’s this über-exclusive boîte of fabulousness here in Tinseltown that certain celebs consider their personal playground. The door at said joint is tighter than Nicole Kidman’s forehead and has turned away highly celebrated, professional partiers without batting a stoic eye.
But not Morg, of course. She’s nevah had a problem getting into exclusive places. Also, there’s always packs of paps following Morg who are bound to snap her leaving such swanky locales. So, owners are usually happy to have M2 hangin’ out.
But the owner of the former spot ain’t so thrilled anymore. First off, he’s already received wrist slaps and warnings from police for allowing other questionable antics to go down, as it were, at his establishment (which really should look a bit more fab considering the loot this guy poured into it). And secondly, Morg’s not just hittin’ the snowy slopes anymore. She’s got a newer, dirtier drug of choice. And it’s becoming painfully oBlind Gossipious.
“She’s behaving like a monster,” says one of my super-inside (and relatively sober) sources. Not only does M.M. pick fights with other patrons, sashay out of stalls with her sniffer covered in powder and even pass out in them, now she’s takin’ to doin’ the girl-on-girl thang not so discreetly in these dark hangs!
Love the last sin, which, natch, ain’t, but I’ll just go along with my republican detractors for a sec and pretend like is it, ‘kay?
Oh, girl, for gawd’s sake, get it together! Your career, sex appeal and hetero status (big whoop!) are going down the toilet as we type.
And it ain’t: Hilary Swank, Gina Gershon, Queen Latifah
May 2006 – One Employee of the Month Blind Gossip
Once upon a time, there was a talented young lass by the name of Morgan Mayhem. Oh, could she act! She was such a good performer that bitchy rivals simmered with green-eyed jealousy. But one day, a big bad she-wolf in Kitson duds named Coco Cocaine came along. She seduced Morgan with her overly vibrant, come-hither eyes–prettier than Wentworth Miller’s, even–and then, suddenly, the big fat studio pigs were very, very sad.
Okay, hold on. This is Hell-Ay; the pigs aren’t heartbroken exactly. They’re just plain disgusted and scared for their precious beaucoup-bucks accounts.
Darlings, Ms. Mayhem has become the hottest li’l liability in Tinseltown.
“Studios were all but in love with her,” blabs one über-connected Armani clad producer. “But she’s so unstable that everyone’s becoming afraid to hire her. Her behavior on the set of Jump, Jive and High Five! is still talked about. She was beyond “distracted,” for myriad reasons. At this point, Armani wearer makes air quotes with his hands and rolls his eyes, sucking back the rest of an overpriced designer something or other. “And we all know what that means.”
Queen LatifahParis HiltonKeira Knightley
Oy, oy, boy. I wish there were something I could do to help ol’ Morgan out. The problem is that she’s about as solid and reliable as a sponge. Stick her with serious, stable, Oscar-hoarding types, and she’ll transform into a Jodie Foster. But plop this babe in a Bel-Air frat-house crowd and, well, she’ll be first in line for body shots.
The solution is oBlind Gossipious. Ya stick the sponge in the desert and let it dry out.
‘Course, first, you’d have to convince her to go. Not an easy task.
June 2005 – One Randy Candy Blind Gossip
Did somebody mention food? What’s that? Something one puts in one’s mouth? Yech! Poo! Feh!
Morgan Mayhem sure thinks so. I mean, really. If it’s not some body part attached to some sorry-ass man she’s currently taking hostage, M2 really has no interest in placing much else in her increasingly bizarrely painted mouth.
Morgan’s new bud, Pixie Mixie, knows this too well. In fact, ol’ Pix got so tired of telling her broad-unit to eat, like, sustenance, Ms. Mix decided to throw the lecturing out the window (along with her old size-six outfits) and join the too-thin brigade!
Why do they do it? No idea. How do they do it? Ah, more luck there. Read on…
Yep, M.’s up to her ol’ very public antics, yet again. You see, Seduce magazine just had a big bash at one of Hell-Ay’s hotter clubs. All the more successful fashion victims in town were there, including Pix ‘n’ Morg, who were so damned thin (despite the high-caloric booze going down their combined gullets) they thought they owned the pretentious place.
Must be why M.M. (with P.M. along for the vicarious ride) had no compunction whatsoever about going into the women’s restroom and snorting enough blow to make even Courtney Love blanch. Right there. In the open. In front of other pissy patrons.
Jeez. When I did that crap, I at least closed the bathroom stall. Youths today have no class.
And it ain’t: Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid. (Pixie Mixie is Nicole Richie).
May 2005 – One Disappearing Blind Gossip
Sex, sex, sex. Is that all we mortals think about?
Well, I’m single (dating eternally), and, I answer oui to the above. But, then there’s my bestest girlfriend, hitched for over a decade. Ditto on the doing-it brain. Or take my gray, gruff editor (straight), who’s also married and doing the white-picket fence thang. He, too, thinks of little else. Or, so it would seem from his dribbling mouth after he edits these damn Vices.
Take a breather this week, bossman, this one’s about a gal who prefers to sniff, not suck, her candy.
Morgan Mayhem is the doll. Such a cutie-tamootie, she’s got charm pouring out of her sweet little dimples–not to mention that great ass of hers. Unfortunately, M.’s well-photographed behind is oddly altered as of late.
Surgery? Or just a high-colonic and new cheek-bones sucked and inserted at one of those posh ‘n’ creepy Bev Hills “hospitals?” Regardless, M2 has taken upon herself to use this time to remove her booby implants. Sorta like getting a new haircut when one gets a face-lift, right? Not that I would know, just what I’ve heard, ‘course.
Oh, crap, I hate it when these perfectly lovely babes start playing mix ‘n’ match with the bod-parts–so boring. I mean, come on, it’s almost as predictable as getting hooked on drugs (really boring), ’cause everybody can see what’s on the horizon for chicks who start doing the surgery thang too much: lifetime movies with the likes of Faye Dunaway, right? Isn’t that where you go when you start playing doc too much with your bod?
Besides, I thought M.M. had a much more mattress-worthy figure before she began altering it so.
Who cares how many dudes she was doing (she didn’t). It was the ol’ vicarious va-va-voom ride just watching M. strut her sex-ay stuff–especially with hunky regular beau Burr Ito.
But then again, this item isn’t about sex, so never mind.
And it ain’t: Nicole Ritchie, Nicky Hilton, Lara Flynn Boyle
May 30, 2008 Updates
May 30, 2008
Today’s Updates
| Celebrities: 33 | Pictures: 1335 | Movies: 0 | Articles: 50 |
One Surprise, Surprise Blind Gossip
May 29, 2008
A surprise Thursday Blind Gossip from Ted…. Furrowed Frank returns!
Lead-in
Dudes, Degrees, n’ Dirt
Special Edition: We’ve got a Thursday Blind Gossip for ya today—in addition to tomorrow’s drug-addled mystery nonsense—and you’ll never guess who’s being propositioned to be one of Furrowed Frank‘s latest boy-toys!
He Didn’t!
What’s a goss columnist to do when he’s propositioned—by a somewhat discreet third party, mind you—to go have sex with one of his past Blind Gossip subjects? Particularly if said gosser’s recently married? Ah, the trials and tribulations one must endure just to report on our beloved Furrowed Frank, closeted-homo TV star.
One Surprise, Surprise Blind Gossip
Remember Furrowed Frank, the big TV figure who has a straight trainer whom he sends out to hunt for bedtime playmates at the gym where they both train? Sure ya do! Only because the heartless fagola lothario is so predictably dude about it all, and not only does he not bother to secure his own ass assignations (thinks he’ll be too recognized, as if F.F. standing by drooling while the deal’s going down isn’t oBlind Gossips enough), he ditches the poor guys right after he’s had his way with them.
Why are men—both gay and het—so damn unconcerned with their partner’s feelings, huh? Were we all kicked as children, or something? Regardless, F.F. and his muscled accomplice continue right along with their disposable mattress machinations, blithely unaware the A.T. is totally on to them. Or not?
Went to a snot-butt din-din party the other night, and who would be seated across from me other than F2′s prime purveyor of all things manly and clandestine—yes, the trainer himself. And said pro pumper is either one smart deltoid dude, or he’s as dumb as Lindsay Lohan‘s current life coach. ‘Cause, how can I put this? Let’s just say I was given the opportunity, if I cared to, to take a turn on F2′s casting bench.
I demurred. After all, I’m married now…otherwise?
And it ain’t: Chris Noth, Jason Lewis, Kyle Maclachlan
AIA’s from the previous FF Blind Gossip: Justin Timberlake, Ty Pennington, Alec Baldwin
Also excluded: Will Smith, Rocco DiSpirito, Matt Damon, Johnny Knoxville, The Rock, Ryan Seacrest, Donald Trump, John Corbett, Luke Wilson
Why the Sex in the City hints? We thought this was Anderson Cooper last time but were never sure. After RS was eliminated we were thrown for a loop.
* Here is the earlier FF Blind Gossip from February ’08.
*** Top suspect: Anderson Cooper
Vintage Lainey – Gaydar Interrupted
May 29, 2008
We here at Blind Gossips Exposed are going to try to bring out some old “vintage” Blind Gossips from before we started discussing them here. Today, we bring you one of Lainey’s riddles, this one dated Jan. 2, 2006:
Gaydar interrupted
There are 2 subjects to this riddle. Both are famous, one more so than the other, and both are actors. One is recognized for award winning prestige projects. The other – umm….not so much. But he does have brawn. And while I don’t appreciate the shoot ‘em up, beat ‘em up genre, there is certainly a market for it. Unfortunately for his legion of female admirers, he prefers sex of the homo variety. And he’s looking for a boyfriend.
For his part, the true thespian has battled gay suspicions for years. I’ve heard it incessantly but I can’t confirm it. Oddly enough, no one in Hollywood knows for sure either. So it’s no surprise that his less talented counterpart decided to hit on him one night recently at a party. And my man came on STRONG. Bad move. Too many people around and not the right approach. He was completely rebuffed. With a room full of witnesses. And it gets worse. The next day, one publicist called the other and issued a stern warning and they also came to an agreement to make sure their clients never cross paths again. And since one dude is clearly more connected than the other, I can assure you that Mr B list was rebuked and ridiculed around town so much that he had to lay low for a while before venturing out in public once again.
* The top suspected answer for this one were: Leonardo DiCaprio/Jean Claude Van Damme.
Page Six-Just Asking: 5.28.08
May 28, 2008
May 28, 2008 — WHICH actress whose name has been dragged through the weeds more than once should know who is selling her secrets to the celebrity magazines? Residents of her Village building are buzzing that one of their doormen has been dropping dimes on her, even picking up tips for the paparazzi on where she’ll be from her employees.
May 28, 2008 Updates
May 28, 2008
Today’s Updates
| Celebrities: 60 | Pictures: 1863 | Movies: 0 | Articles: 363 |
NY Post – 5/26
May 27, 2008
May 26, 2008 –
WHICH titled European aristocrat is disloyal to his high- profile wife? The nobleman has a girlfriend and two kids on the side in Thailand . . .
WHICH socialite displayed bad manners by getting pregnant? The father of her baby hadn’t even signed a separation agreement when she conceived.
May 26, 2008 Updates
May 26, 2008
Today’s Updates
| Celebrities: 33 | Pictures: 637 | Movies: 0 | Articles: 40 |
May 24, 2008 Updates
May 24, 2008
Today’s Updates
| Celebrities: 51 | Pictures: 564 | Movies: 0 | Articles: 1 |
