One Showered n’ Deflowered Blind Gossip

The latest Blind Gossip from the Awful Truth:

Lead-ins

Which “straight” TV star’s the latest to take a (painful) hike up Action Alley?
Look up, but don’t unzip!
Oh, babycakes, if you’ve ever had a first-time sex story gone awry, this is the Blind Gossip for you! Poor closeted TV star Chumpy “Shepp” Impaled…He finally decides to sate his boy-on-boy curiosities, and—unbeknownst to Chumpy—he picks a friggin’ journalist for his inaugural boink, horrors!

One Showered n’ Deflowered Blind Gossip

What did we say last week, that H-town’s full of nervous Nellies too ‘fraid to come outta the closet? Yep, that’s what we declared. And now, darlings, we’ve got Chumpy “Shepp” Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesn’t have any idea whatsoever he’s helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad.
Now, Chumpy’s not predictably handsome, but he is—we assure you—wholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really). Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like, girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boy’s neck and work the tasty dough down below just right, this baby’s slightly pudgy cookies are yours for the taking, trust!
Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist, who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the journo—let’s call him Schlong Wad, just for good measure—befriended each other in—get this—the showers. How romantic, eh? Let’s leave the dropped-soap analogies (they’re unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact. It’s that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube, had never before had sex with a dude, though he’d always been curious. Oh, who the hell isn’t? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you are.)
Next thing ya know, Schlong’s workin’ overtime with the compliments on Red’s many talents, which are, to be true, average. What a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock that you chicks have been seein’ through for centuries, but Chump nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker.
Right into S.W.’s Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wad’s mattress, which is precisely where Chumpy found out what it’s like to be the pea in Wad’s pod. Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling everybody he can.
And it ain’t: David Schwimmer, Kevin Connolly, Jimmy Kimmell

What do you think? Do you think the initials CSI has anything to do with it? David Caruso is on CSI and has RED hair.

As for the AIA’s: David Schwimmer is from a sitcom, sometimes directs. Kevin Connolly is on cable, and Jimmy Kimmell is a talk show host/comedian.

I was thinking Zach Braff but I don’t think he could be labeled “shy”, because supposedly he tries to pick up chicks left and right. Right now I guess it is David Caruso, for reasons above. Thoughts?

* Update – This BI is suspected to be: David Caruso.

NY Post Page Six – from 2/26

We missed this one the other day…
February 26, 2008 –
WHICH gossipeuse is about to get the ax? She probably should have told her bosses she was shooting a reality show before just going out and doing it on the sly . . .
WHICH local reporter got sick to his stomach after he found out the Penthouse Pet with whom he’d been making out had just had sex with another man?

Celebrity Beach Butts 5

Here’s part 5 of the Celebrity Beach Butts series. In this collection, you’ll find Jennifer Aniston, Jenna Jameson, and Janice Dickinson. Read more

Lainey – No Looking, No Talking, No Breathing

Another one from Lainey today! :)

Diva antics are rather pedestrian these days so it takes a super bitch and her ass attitude to really push the envelope.

A photo shoot with a major artist. Much is riding on her new project. Everyone is busting their balls to make her look good. But it’s hard with these instructions:

Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her, and … don’t even breathe in her direction.

Don’t breathe in her direction!

Worse still – not sure if you know what it’s like at a photo shoot but the lighting, the set, the hair, the makeup, the equipment, it can all get pretty technical, especially for someone this important. Unfortunately, she couldn’t pose with people standing around. Girl has filled stadiums and she can’t have her photo taken with a room full of staff? Please.

So after lining up every shot, everyone but the photographer had to leave the room. Needless to say, things need tweaking from minute to minute. Literally, he would take one frame and have to call out to bring someone back in for an adjustment before moving on. Imagine – every move required another callback to have someone else run in to make a quick fix only to dash back out.

Needless to say, this extended the shoot time exponentially. And under those conditions, people are not going to be inspired to put out their best work.

Why is this such a mystery anyway? The nicer you are, the nicer you get back! Is it so hard? Is is physically difficult to be nice?

And seriously…who is she anymore anyway? She needs it more than they do. The way she’s acting though, she’ll be staring another failure straight in the face.

Update 3/3 – Lainey says it’s NOT Madonna, Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Lopez, Whitney Houston, Erykah Badu, Jessica Simpson, Carrie Underwood.

* Top suspect: Janet Jackson

Lainey – Eggs in Public

Here’s an Oscar weekend riddle from Lainey -

Eggs in Public: at an Oscar party on Sunday night, he’s been drinking, she’s been nagging. Turns into a huge, embarrassingly loud argument about the most personal of matters: she wants babies, he doesn’t, and they proceed to yell at each other about it in front of a large audience.

Update 2/28 – Lainey reveals this is Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford.

Jessica Simpson Spandex Cameltoe

Everyone focuses on Jessica Simpson’s tits. I think Jessica wants some attention paid to her pussy because she wore pants like these. Mmm… Jessica Simpson cameltoe!

Crazy Days and Nights – Feb 22

These were posted on Friday on Crazy Days and Nights:

Four for Friday
The great thing about today’s four items is they all come from the same apartment building in New York.

#1 The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn’t want to be bothered. Fine…who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine…well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn’t like that at all. So she said, I can’t wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building…but in a really nice way.

#2 This former A list child actor lived in the building. He actually got kicked out of the building. He was renting…spending about 14k a month on rent. That included a studio apt that was made into a gym. This is when he was married. They rescued a lot of animals but never took them out…they also smoked pot incessantly so the halls reeked. That’s why they were asked to leave. He NEVER held the door for anyone. There was a fire in the building where his mom and siblings lived…well, they all moved in with him. There were siblings ALL over the place. They would run down the halls banging on the walls. It was annoying as hell to say the least.

#3 The Paper was also filmed in the building. Ron Howard was scouting out the location so everyone on the floor which was used for filming got to see him. A few days later, he was back and invited several residents to see what was going on. He was incredibly nice. One of the male stars was not friendly at all. Apparently he was being stalked at the time so he had an armed guard, who was really nice, but our actor was an ass. He refused to take the elevator if anyone was in it. He also refused to talk to ANYONE.

#4 Here’s another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn’t see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake…fine…well…not so fine..our actress said “get out of my way.” Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn’t do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said “She’s the one who should be apologizing.” The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing.

Nudity In Theaters, 2/22/2008

Going to the theaters this weekend?  Looking for some nudity while you’re there?  Here’s your guide.

Nudity
Wide Release
1.Charlie Bartlett
A.Amabelle Singson and one anonymous, breasts, running

Totally Skinless
Wide Release
1.Vantage Point

NY Post Just Asking – Feb 21

From the NY Post yesterday -

WHICH pop diva goes to great lengths to keep her entire body glowing? When she spray-tans, she demands her nether regions get the treatment as well . . .
WHICH producer who’s well known for his voracious appetite for women has a funny modus operandi? He asks actresses seeking roles to come up to his hotel suite, then excuses himself to go use the restroom and comes back wearing only a robe?

One Do Not Go There Blind Gossip

From Ted Casablanca’s The Awful Truth Feb 22, 2008 -

Lead-ins
Plus, guess which gay director type’s gettin’ lawyerly with it? That’s right, it’s Blind Gossip Friday!

Cress Finesse is one of those multitalented, multitasking gay dudes at one of the studios that’s known for making classy flicks. But C.F.’s personal life is slightly less, uh, classy. Result: Dude got fired! But hold on, HR department, Mr. F’s threatening suit—and boy, did it pay off in this week’s Blind Gossip.

One Do Not Go There Blind Gossip
Yep, it’s yet another fagola Blind tale. Get used to it, is all I have say—this town’s friggin’ filled to the brim with boy-lovin’ boys who don’t exactly want the world to know that’s how they swing. Except perhaps when their sexuality supposedly prevents them from employment. Take the case with Cress Finesse, one of those hybrid dudes who does it all at one of the studios, including directing films known for their mucho classy ambition.