November 11, 2007
As requested – Below is a list of people that Ted has ELIMINATED as possibly being Toothy Tile. People write him letters with guesses and he says no to some people, with hints sometimes. The only person he hasn’t excluded is Jake Gyllenhaal, who also fits with Ted’s hints. We waited for a long time for Matthew McConaughey and John Travolta to be eliminated, and they finally have been. At a future time we may list all of Ted’s blurbs about Toothy, and his hints that Toothy is Jake. In the meantime, we stand by our guess that Toothy Tile is Jake Gyllenhaal.
Ok so here is the list. Originally in 2008, some of the guys on the list are from a thread I found on fanchitchat.com which discusses Blind Gossips as well. Thank you to those who contributed to that! The rest are from researching back into the Awful Truth and keeping up to date on the latest Toothy news. We update as needed, when Ted gives us a new name (one that isn’t already on the list!)
*** TOOTHY TILE IS NOT:
50 Cent, Aaron Eckhart, Adam Brody, Adrian Brody, Adrian Grenier, Alec Baldwin, Alexander Skarsgard, Anderson Cooper, Andy Dick, Ashton Kutcher, Ben Affleck, Ben Mackenzie, Bill Clinton, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Brandon Davis, Brandon Routh, Brian Austin Green, Bruce Willis, Carrot Top, Casey Affleck, Chace Crawford, Chad Michael Murray, Channing Tatum, Charlie Sheen, Chris Evans, Chris Klein, Chris Pine, Christian Bale, Clay Aiken, Colin Farrell, Dane Cook, Daniel Craig, Danny Bonaduce, David Duchovny, David Hyde Pierce, David Schwimmer, David Spade, Denzel Washington, Derek Jeter, Dick Cheney, Don Cheadle, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Eddie Murphy, Elijah Wood, Emile Hirsch, Eric Balfour, Ewan McGregor, Gael Garcia Bernal, George Clooney, George Eads, Gerard Butler, Haley Joel Osmont, Harrison Ford, Harry Hamlin, Hayden Christensen, Heath Ledger, Hillary Clinton, Homer Simpson, Hugh Jackman, Isaiah Washington, James Franco, James Marsden, Jamie Foxx, Jared Leto, Jared Padalecki, Jason Lee, Jason Ritter, Jason Statham, Javier Bardem, Jennifer Garner, Jeremy Piven, Jim Carrey, Jesse Metacalfe, Joaquin Phoenix, Joe Jonas, Joel McHale, John Goodman, John Krasinski, John C. Reilly, John Stamos, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Jon Hamm, Jonathan Bennett, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Josh Brolin, Josh Duhamel, Josh Hartnett, Josh Lucas, Julian McMahon, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, Keanu Reeves, Kellan Lutz, Kenny Chesney, Kevin Costner, Kevin Jonas, Kevin Spacey, Kiefer Sutherland, Lance Bass, Lenny Kravitz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Liev Schrieber, Luke Wilson, Mario Lopez, Mark Ruffalo, Mark Wahlberg, Matt Bomer, Matt Damon, Matt Dillon, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Broderick, Matthew McConaughey, Matthew Perry, Michael Angarano, Michael Vartan, Mike Myers, Milo Ventimiglia, Neil Patrick Harris, Nick Jonas, Nikki Reed, Orlando Bloom, Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, Peter Facinelli, Queen Latifah, Ricky Martin, Rob Thomas, Robert Pattinson, Robert Buckley, Robert Downey Jr., Ronaldo, Ryan Cabrera, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Phillipe, Ryan Reynolds, Seann William Scott, Scott Speedman, Sean Penn, Seth Green, Shane West, Shemar Moore, Shia LeBeouf, Spencer Pratt, Steven Weber, Taylor Lautner, Ted Danson, Tobey Maguire, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Tom Welling, Topher Grace, T. R. Knight, Usher, Val Kilmer, Viggo Mortensen, Vin Diesel, Vince Vaughn, Wentworth Miller, Will Smith, Wilmer Valderrama, Zac Efron, Zach Braff, Zachary Quinto
November 9, 2007
Ted’s latest Blind Gossip:
So, here we are with Seymour Plow-Me-More, multitalented star and performer, both in and out of the bedroom, where he assumes an amazing array of positions, possibilities and partners. But to be fair, when Sey-babe cheats on his hardly naive honey (whose quasi-attractive face seems to harden with each new trick SPMM picks up), it’s usually with good-lookin’ dudes. In fact, it always is. Take this last time, for ince. Academy Award-nominated Seymour was visiting one of Hell-Ay’s myriad spas, which are to Los Angeles what Greek coffee shops are to Manhattan. This time, for Plow-Me-More’s man-hunting mission, he’d chosen one of Hell-Ay’s more outta the way steam-room joints, toward downtown, thinking nobody would recognize him. Are these celebs on crack? Do they really think incognito only kicks in south of Wilshire? Seymour cornered his latest beefy selection, took off his own towel (still impressive equipment, must say, even though what’s holding it all together hardly is), and asked for what Seymour usually requests his partners to do to him—i.e., get his oversize bum diddled. The boy—he was almost a boy—declined Mr. Plow-Me-More’s gracious offer and suggested to fellate the movie star instead, a lovely idea that was accepted and received, by the by. You see, said nooky provider tells us he thought it would be “a bit much” to be corn-holed by Seymour Plow-Me-More in a public steam room. As if a blow job is nothing more than a simple shaking of hands. Well, in sex-for-everything Hell-Ay, s’pose it is.”
This is a pretty big one, I think! First of all I can’t picture someone famous getting into this situation. Academy Award nominated? If this scandal is true he must be very sure of his career and trustworthy of the other guy.
OK so what we can gather is -
- Academy Award nominated
- A multitalented performer
- Has a wife who is hardly naive, quasi-attractive, and who’s face hardens – plastic surgery hint?
- Possibly a comedian (David Spade and Chris Rock hints?)
- Possibly “rock” related (The Rock and Chris Rock hints?)
I just keep thinking Seymour is Will Smith. He was nominated for an Oscar for playing Mohammed Ali, is in comedy, and music. And if you ask me, Jada Pinkett Smith’s face has had some work done. Any thoughts???
photos courtesy of wireimage.com
* Update Nov 2009 - Here is a link to the November 2009 SPMM Blind Gossip, including a full list of who has been eliminated. The SPMM Blind Gossip from Januray 2010 can be found here. And the SPMM Blind Gossip from April 2010 is here. And the Sept 2010 Blind Gossip is here.
Our top suspect: John Travolta
November 9, 2007
I’m posting this Blind Gossip of Ted’s from October; very intriguing to me…
One Lamentable Blind Gossip
“Papa, Can You Queer Me?
Let’s see, who’s left in Hollywood who could possibly be gay? Well, somebody who’s taken huge pains to appear not so, and now he very much regrets it—don’t tell the wife and kids, for it’s Blind Gossip Friday!
Corny Beefy is actually such a swell guy, we kinda hate to write up this little Blind baby—but hell, we got mouths to feed, right? I mean, that mutt Margo is getting to be a demanding little gourmet bitch!
Quite unlike aw-shucks C.B., although, we must admit, Corny-doll certainly looks like he’s been hittin’ a lotta food bowls lately, gourmet or otherwise. Was that snitty of us to say? Well, it’s kind of an important deet, actually, as Mr. B used to be such the doable little hon. ‘Course, he still is (more so when he’s filming), in between fat phases. Aren’t we all allowed one?
Tattletale truth be told, I think Mr. Beefy’s reoccurring poundage is due to an emotional sitch, as is often the case with altering bod phases. See, C.B. was married a few years ago, got the missus preggers, but—how can we put this?—something’s been missing in Beefy’s life ever since he chose the white-picket-fence route. Could that something be an object shaped more like a salami, less a Hot Pocket? Boy-on-boy bingo!
“He now regrets not coming out, as he sees more and more people doing it,” fessed a close amiga to Corny-babe. “His wife doesn’t know. Hardly anyone knows.” (But some sure do!)
Yes, as is so often the case when we embark on the Blind Gossip alleyway, we are discussing yet another closeted fake-hetero homo movie star. How utterly surprising.
Too sad, really, as not only is Corny sweet as his (in-shape) tits, he’s also a most politically aware, very astute guy. So, why give in to this ersatz way of life?
“He thought he could wish it away,” adds the loose-lipped bosom buddy. Hmmm. Is that what he was hoping for when he was a hooker, before he became famous? Or was it just a successful career he wanted back then? We wonder.
Can’t have everything, Corny!”
And It Ain’t : Ben Stiller, David Boreanaz, Will Smith
Ok-my guesses are:
1. Matthew Broderick - has a corned beef sandwich named after him in a famous NY deli,married w/ child, seems to fluctuate w/ weight..
2. Tobey Maguire – Fits almost everything except he JUST got married in September. He cooks as a hobby, weight yo-yos, slims up for spiderman. Also-there’s this letter:
“Dear Ted: After having seen recent pics of Val Kilmer, could he possibly be Corny Beefy? Trish St. Paul, Minnesota Dear Gay Gumshoe:Another quite good shot, my Twin City chica! Alas, ain’t the once highly doable Kilmer, think somewhat similar franchise, though….”
Franchise: Superman(Tobey). Val Kilmer was Batman…
Also,this post of Ted’s from 10/24:
“Yeah,” added the loose-lipper, who also said Tobey’s too busy working on his new flick, Brothers, with Jake Gyllenhaal, to play. Poker, that is.
Regardless, Tom, you and Tobey are about the same stature, wanna give All Out: The Tobey Maguire Story, a try? You’d be deliciously dangerous but victorious; you could save your whole M:I franchise! How ‘bout it?”
(Notice the “All Out” capitalization?? Def a clue) That Ted,so clever.
He has ruled out Ben Affleck and Adam Sandler-mentions though in the Ben Affleck letter that C.B. also has”questionable hair”. Hmmmm….
As for the mention of “when he was a hooker” ? I have no idea.
#3 guess: Matt Damon. Not sure if his weight fluctuates though…
List of people Ted has eliminated: David Boreanaz, Ben Stiller, Will Smith, Ben Affleck, Val Kilmer, William Baldwin, Heath Ledger, Tobey Maguire
Thoughts anyone? Not sure about the”and it aints” either. They are clues somehow…
*** Update – Top guess is Matthew Broderick.
November 8, 2007
Monday’s New York Post, Page Six “Just Asking” asked the following:
“WHICH struggling starlet is as obnoxious and stuck-up in real life as she is in her terrible teen flicks? She was rude and cruel to the staff and to a young fan during a free meal she chowed down at a high-end Midtown restaurant.”
Hmm… terrible teen flicks? Obnoxious and stuck up? Struggling? I’m thinking Lindsay Lohan. Sure, this could be one of the High School Musical girls, Ashley Tisdale or Vanessa Hudgens. But those HSM movies were hits, weren’t they? Terrible to some, yes. But I think this is someone who’s movies have bombed and is having struggles in real life. Isn’t Lindsay in Utah though, rehabbing it? I know she has been in CA recently…. If she has been in NYC recently, my guess is her. Otherwise, I’d pick Ashley Tisdale, who’s character in HSM is the obnoxious one. Either way, not too exciting of a Blind Gossip!
Photos courtesy of wireimage.com
November 5, 2007
One of Ted Casablanca’s top Blind Gossip subjects is Toothy Tile. He has covered him for a few years now. He is a closeted gay actor. Ted has excluded MANY actors but has never excluded Jake Gyllenhaal. Toothy supposedly has a serious boyfriend, who is suspected to be Jake’s close bud Austin Nichols. In future posts we shall dissect Toothy Tile in more detail. But for today I will just share the nugget that appeared in Ted’s column today. It was a blurb about the so-called relationship between Jake and Reese Witherspoon. Here Ted hints that we should not believe the hype…
Also, later in the column, Ted mentions Jake’s close bud Austin Nichols when suggesting that Reese and Jake to to a basketball game like he used to do with his buddy. Hmmm… I am taking today’s comments as a big affirmation from Ted that Toothy is Jake G! I don’t believe the Reese rumors for a second. I smell a big ol’ publicity stunt!
Photo courtesy of wireimage.com
November 4, 2007
Ted Casablanca‘s column on eonline.com – The Awful Truth – is our fave. Here is his latest Blind Gossip.
“Dorrell Sausage usually loves getting attention, but this time could be different. See, Dorrell’s a fairly good guy (depending on whom you ask, ‘course). He’s pleasant enough looking, in an old International Male catalog kinda way, that’s fer sure, and, supposedly, Dorrell’s well endowed. But isn’t that comparing biz usually best left to the eye of the benefactor? Regardless, what is Sausage’s claim to fame? We’re not exactly sure. But let’s see. D.S. is from semifamous lineage, does some boob-tube work now and again and he dabbles in music and design. What fun! But natch, he also loves to date the famous femmes, which is probably why we started talking about him in the first place. Except that our boy Dorrell has gone and gotten himself in a pickle, as it were—due to his very own pickle, as it further were. Seems Mr. Pee bedded some random, nonfamous babe and didn’t use protection. And he didn’t get (or give) any nasty hickies, but he did go and get the girl knocked up. And guess what? She wants to keep it! D.S. is terrorized in his tidy whities at the paternal prospect. ‘Cause if she does, it’ll be the one time Dorrell’ll be wishing he didn’t have headlines harkin’ all about him.”
And it ain’t… Shia LaBeouf, Tony Romo, John Mayer
My first thought – Dorrell Sausage has been used before in a previous Blind Gossip! Who was he? Then as I read on I realize it has got to be Brody Jenner. Famous family, not really famous for anything but dating famous chicks. He’s dated Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, and Lauren Conrad to name a few.
Also, more proof – in Ted’s column on 10/31, he said -
“Scary merde’s goin’ down in T-town right now! For ince, Ryan Gosling ain’t the only nooky-lovin’ lad who’s keepin’ his sex antics on the down-low these days, as Brody Jenner’s said to be quaking in his little booties lately. Wonder why? Because dad Bruce and sassin’ stepsis Kim Kardashian are kickin’ his headline-lovin’ hot bum right now for somethin’ fierce? Good question.”
For Ted to mention this the day before the Blind Gossip is a big hint. Ted usually mentions the subject of his Blind Gossip in his column either that same day, or sometime that week. and this ins’t just a mention – it’s a big ol’ hint! Now we pretty much have just confirmed it. So now Brody Jenner has possibly gotten some random chick pregnant. Great! Another offspring of Bruce Jenner, decathlete and plastic surgery survivor. Woop dee doo! I have to say I am not too excited about this one. Who cares about Brody Jenner anyway? Is anyone else tired of reading about the cast of The Hills?
Anyway, here is the original Dorrell Sausage Blind Gossip I was talking about before – this is from 10/1/06 – One Headling Grabbing Blind Gossip -
“There’s no denying that Dorrell Sausage is hot ‘n’ hunky. His semi-famous name and chiseled mug have been increasingly featured in the rags lately, thanks to a string of high-profile romances. And this ain’t by accident, damn straight. D.S. went from dating a cute, fairly well known chica to supposedly seeing Pixie Mixie, tabloid darling. See, the D-man wants to be (more) famous himself, imagine that in this me-me-me enclave! And after a halfhearted stab at the spotlight on his own not so long ago (prior to Pixie time), it seems Mr. Sausage–a somewhat cognizant realist with thin lips, thicker things elsewhere–realized it’s way easier to get press when you’re attached to an It creature. Indeed, Dorrell’s latest cutie-coupling has gotten tab headlines, fer sure. “It’s getting serious!” all the rags proclaim, alongside pics of the two honeys holding hands and swappin’ spit. Howevah, just reminds me of one of those Teri Hatcher spreads–all pose, no meat to go with the paparazzi potatoes. See, Dorrell has been sober for a while, even though he “used to drink entire bottles of tequila,” said one of D.S.’s ol’ imbibing buds. Nevertheless, Mr. Sausage has since cleaned up his act and is now busy denouncing drugs and hard partying. More unhungover intrigue: Pixie is D.S.’s sober sponsor, which explains why they’re spending so much time together. “They’re really just friends,” according to my chemical-free source. But this tricky twosome so knows that playing coy with the press and letting themselves be linked equals double the headlines and even more media attention. Seems good old-fashioned fame is the real drug of choice for both of them these days!”
This was oBlind Gossipiously Brody Jenner back in 2006. Pixie Mixie we are pretty sure was Nicole Ritchie, based on multiple Blind Gossip’s written about her a while back. She was just outta rehab and he was sponsoring her or something. They claimed to be friends and then broke up. I will have to post the Pixie Mixie Blind Gossip’s and my rationale for those one day. I know she was kissing other chicks and was said to be bisexual. A few other ones, drug related I think. But for now – I’m all sausaged out. It’s been fun! Join me next time…
photo courtesy of wireimage.com
November 4, 2007
Welcome to Blind Gossips Exposed. Join us, a group of four sisters, as we try and figure out who the subject of various “blind” columns may be. It is a guilty pleasure of ours to read gossip columns and I suspect it is yours too, or you wouldn’t be reading this right now! Come on, admit it. We all have our suspicions of which celebrity is gay, snorted coke in the bathroom at Hyde last week, who is watching porn on set of their latest movie… all that good stuff. Are they all true? Maybe not, but they are fun to guess who they might be. We discuss them with family and friends, but need to sort out our thoughts on all of them right here. We will talk about some intersting Blind Gossips, post our guesses and the reasoning for such. You are welcome to post comments of your own guesses, with any evidence to support your claim. Have fun everyone!